I don’t like to meditate

It took me many years to start a daily meditation practice.

The first time I meditated was in my early forties with my coach. I had no idea what I was doing or what I was meant to be feeling. I recall one moment in an office near Scheveningen in The Hague, Netherlands. My coach and I focused on the surrounding sounds. Now and then, I opened one eye to peek at what he was doing, thinking, “Just close your eyes, Daph, and then all will be okay.”

About six months later, another meditation changed my perspective. I hadn’t considered meditating in the interim because my first experience felt woozy and utterly dull. This time, during an event hosted by Michael Pilarczyk, called Maximum Potential, a guided meditation took me deep into my memories, and I even started crying in a room filled with hundreds of others. Luckily, the lights were dimmed, so nobody could see me crying. I could fully focus on all the emotions the meditation stirred up.

Mesmerized by the power of meditation, I started incorporating this practice into my life. Initially, it was irregular, and I used an app called “Meditation Moments” for guided meditations. My first impression of meditation still cluttered my mind, and I thought nobody had to know I was trying to meditate, as I felt a bit ashamed.

Then COVID hit me twice in the first year of the pandemic. Due to my collaboration with the ‘Resilient Future Travellers,’ I gained new experiences with meditation, which led to participating in a Mindvalley event with many meditations. This event blew my mind, as the meditations made me feel better. At the time, I was clueless about what was happening and whether it was about my mindset, a different way of breathing, or letting go of unresolved emotions.

It took me about a year to join Mindvalley as I started with ‘The 21-Day Challenge for Perfect Health’ by Deepak Chopra and Opray Winfrey, followed by weekly meditations by Jay Shetty. Jay’s meditations made me aware of my wandering mind. I was disappointed I couldn’t do the weekly meditations consistently, as Long COVID held me back from creating a stable practice. With determination and newfound insight to exchange balance for harmony in life, I began to set goals to meditate every day and be kind to myself if I couldn’t. By using Tony Robbins’ Rapid Planning Method in an adjusted way that was doable for me, I shifted my daily must-dos into daily can-dos. At the end of each month, I looked at how often I completed one of the daily want-to-dos, like meditation. This new approach made me more positive, as my focus shifted from what was missing to what I had accomplished, even if the desired regular pattern wasn’t visible.

Many meditative practices followed, changing the way I looked at the world. They taught me to love myself again after all the changes my body went through, changes I didn’t particularly appreciate. I often fell asleep during guided meditations and learned to change my thoughts from judging myself to accepting and embracing the peaceful sleep it gave me. By following the meditation as soon as I woke up, I wasn’t missing out on the particular meditation I wanted to do. As I tapped into an energy I had never experienced, I started to attract new relationships and answers to my problems.

Today, I practice daily. It calms my mind and gives me more peace to face the challenges that cross my path. Some days, my mind wanders; other days, the mantra repeats like a song in my mind, and I gain many creative insights. By embracing all that comes and not getting bewildered when I feel I should do better, I silence that annoying, judgmental voice within me.

Was that really me, the woman who once disliked meditation?

Please comment about your meditation practice and let me know if you recognize any of the experiences I shared. If you want to learn more about building a meditation practice, my first newsletter will contain a guide on how to start.